I don't really like this one, but I came to far to delete it.

I have decided that it is hard to stay motivated and driven over long periods of time.  To combine eating healthy with strength training with marathon training with daily pushup/pullup goals while trying to lose weight and gain muscle is a bit of a challenge.  At times, something has to give.  This weekend, what gave was that I ate a bunch more than I have for awhile.  Not terrible, but more.  The realization hit me that I have to remain dedicated to my fitness for the rest of my life.  I have been up and down in weight.  I have had periods of intense dedication to running and lifting followed by periods of letting everything go.  When I let stuff go, I always get mad at myself for doing so, because it is so hard to get it back.  The one concession I will give to age is that it gets harder every year to get back in shape.  To lose weight.  To re-motivate.  It is so easy to put on weight and so hard to take it off.  I was chatting with a friend the other day and we both agreed that until people reach our age they will never understand what we are saying or dealing with.  At the level of activity I am at now, I would have lost weight and gained muscle and speed so much more quickly if I were 40.  Or even 45.  It can be frustrating.  Yet, I hate the standard cliches of people telling me that I look okay for my age or they would like to be in shape like me when they are my age.  I do not want any age allowances.  I want to be in good shape for someone of most any age.  That doesn't mean that I think I am the same as I was when I was 20, or 30.  Whatever.  The frustration I have with myself is the knowledge that if I worked this hard and with this kind of dedication when I was younger, my performance in everything would have been so much different.  But, I can't go back in time...yet.  I'm still working on that.

I have been reading and studying a lot lately.  About the body and performance.  The key to everything is maintaining strength, balance and form over the long haul.  When things go off kilter, that is when we get hurt.  Even though I love doing lots of things that could end up in injury, I have learned one thing.  It can be very dangerous when I have no injuries, when I feel like I am twenty.  When I feel invincible.  While that is wonderful, it also leads to potentially doing something that I probably should not do.  I know that I have to be careful with speed work.  I can never be lax with my form.  I worked hard on my running form, my stride and my foot strike a few years ago.  I make sure that I don't stray back to my old ways of landing on my heel.  Of being a plodder.  I do exaggerated strides on the football field.  I make sure I hit every hashmark.  I high kick and land on my forefoot. I feel this helps my kick and my stride and strengthens my feet and calves.  It is one of my favorite exercises.

Today, I decided to get some supplements.  I have lost close to 25 pounds now.  I feel I have done it in a wise manner.  Not too fast.  Eating good food.  No fad diets or things that could hurt me.  Just smaller portions and better quality foods.  I do not count calories, but I am careful  what I eat.  I have so many goals, that it is hard to workout and eat to reach them all.  I want to lose weight, gain muscle, get stronger, get faster, run a marathon well and get pr's in a 5k and a half marathon.  Not too easy to achieve.  But, I want it all.  That means I have to eat enough, but not too much.  Lift and run for power, speed and endurance.  Plus, I need enough energy to do my job.  I told the muscular kid at GNC all this and I think he wanted to punch me.  I remember being in my 20's and wondering why someone in their 50's would even want to workout.  Who are they trying to impress?  Shouldn't they be playing with their grandkids.  But, he seemed to know his stuff and gave me a nice supply of protein and old man vitamins.  Apparently, if I take all this stuff, I will be able to lift a tree out of the ground.  I'm afraid that I may end up wanting to hump the tree as well, because apparently it helps with your testosterone levels too.  Everyone who knows me, knows that I like trees but not in that way.  Anyhow, that is what I walked away with.

I will end with this.  There is nothing like the feeling of being strong.  Of regaining your strength.  of being in control of your body.  I love the feeling of knowing that I can do a tough run, or pick up a heavy weight or walk away from a delicious donut.   I hope this is my year of seeing the hard work pay off.