Funkytown

I guess it is no secret that I have been in a bit of a funk, running wise at least.  Probably in the other aspects of my life as well, but I really feel it in my running.  I have cured my knee problems for the most part, but I still am not really enjoying running like I did.  To be honest, my knees always hurt to some degree, but how it felt after the marathon made me think that maybe I would have to think about not running anymore.  My job depends on me being able to walk and carry stuff and build stuff, so it was a little scary.  My philosophy is that I don't have much down time to recover from anything, so I will just keep beating the shit out of myself.  This seems to work.  I have almost come to the conclusion that constant motion is what cures most of life's problems, not rest.  I took some time off from running and did some strengthening exercises for the knee and it started to get better.  I never saw a doctor, which makes me believe one of two things.  It was just an overuse injury or I am smart enough to know how to make things better.  Or both.  Who knows?  What I do know is that I am never sick.  I do not allow myself to be sick.  I can feel a bit bad, but go to work, or work out and I always feel better than I would if I laid around all day.  I am not trying to sound like a macho ass or a tough guy, I guess I am just trying to express my belief that much can be cured by action and attitude.  Then comes the mental thing.  The funk.  It made me want to just do nothing.  It took the incentive away to go out and run the workouts I need to do to get the time I want in the half marathon I'm "training" for and it definitely had me eating more and doing way less strength training than I wanted to.  Some of it, I blame on the winter we have had.  It has been unusually cold, windy and crappy.  The thing is, I didn't do nothing.  Does that make sense?  I felt like I didn't want to do anything, but in actuality I was doing a bunch of something.  I have my business and I am doing a part time job.  We moved into a new house.  We are more active in my parent's life because of my dad's Alzheimer's.  The dogs are nuts.  The old dog is like having a baby.  She needs to go out every two hours at least.  At night, it is crazy.  She wakes me up at least 4 times a night.  We have wooden floors, and her heavy legged walk, with her longish nails, make it sound like a bear is walking across the floor.  So, that is life.  I can't really complain, because I know the most important thing is health and I have that.  My family has that.  Yet, I wanted to lay on the couch and feel sorry for myself, knowing full well that if I had the opportunity to do so, it would only make things worse.  I don't drink, smoke or have any real vices.  Except maybe a minor addiction to Facebook.  What does this mean?  In my mind, it means that I am a total failure in being depressed.  

In terms of running, I have been wondering if I have to incentive to train hard for my half marathon on April 28th.  I want to run and I want to train enough to do okay, but I have been wondering if I have it in me right now to do what it takes to do what I want to do for every race.  And that is to kick ass and get a pr.  Why not just enjoy the process and run the half and just enjoy it?  I asked one of my best running friends today what her opinion was and she said, "I don't think you will be happy if you know you didn't do your best."  She knows me.  My running partners know me.  I appreciate them more that they can ever know.  They know who they are.  They run through all kinds of stuff.  Weather, illness, family issues, etc.  They keep going and they do not complain.  I think of them and I think of the people I know who do have it much worse than I do.  Then I think of why I do this, and it is not so much for my health as it is to see what I can do.  How hard I can push myself.  I get mad sometimes that I don't push myself hard enough.

My answer came this morning to me.  I have a little less than two months to be ready for my half.  I have a decent base.  I am back to the strength training and I am eating better.  I have time to do really well if I change my state right now.  My best time in a half marathon is just under 1:48.  I think I will shoot for 1:45.  It is now in writing.  Now it must be done.