Choices

This was a pretty good week of running.  I did 13 miles on Sunday.  That is the most since the marathon in October.  It seems like it has taken me a long time to get back to this distance.  Both physically and mentally.  The physical thing started with the knee issue.  That got better, but I couldn't seem to push it.  Couldn't get past certain mileage.  For a while, I thought I may have lost my love and desire for running.  It seemed to coincide with my loss of feelings for my business.  I love to build.  I've spent years teaching myself the trade and the ins and outs of the business.  I made many mistakes.  My business plan was to make cabinets and sell them.  Pretty simple, really.  I jumped in and made lots of cabinets.  I loved it and I grew.  I got lots of jobs.  Too many jobs.  Knee deep in cabinets all the time.  I got behind.  I had some horrible customers.  I had some employees that milked me dry.  I was not the best manager.  When I say that, I need to make it clear that I would love to work for someone like me.  Someone who is passionate about what they do, and really only cared that the end product was good.  I am a person who hates being told what to do.  I'm quiet about it, but I hate being told what to do.  Probably makes me not such a great employee.  But my work ethic is strong.  I will work like a mule.  When the economy started to tank, I still had lots of jobs, but not lots of money.  I told myself this is not why I got into the business.  I did not want to be a manager who told people what to do and watched.  I'm hands on.  I want to be involved in the designing, the building, the installation, etc.  I started the business with a cavernous workspace.  Hardly any electricity, no showroom, no office.  On my first appointment, I had a brochure of door styles and a piece of paper to take notes.  I got the job.  I started framing out a showroom and office and making displays.  I worked all the time.  It was exciting.  Every time the phone rang it meant opportunity.  Over time, I became a slave to the business.  Payroll every week.  Overhead expenses.  I would dread when the phone rang.  I wanted to throw my cell phone in the river.  I finally had enough.  I wanted to downsize.  I wanted to be just me again.  But how to finish all these jobs with no employees?  Work all the time is how.  I had to deal with the fact that I was going to be behind, but the product would be nice.  I had some angry customers, but all the jobs got done.  I am proud of all of them.  The jobs, that is.  I got stiffed royally a few times.  Not getting paid at a time that I was already a bit sour on things really added to the fun.  But, I knew it would all be over as long as I stuck to my plan of not taking a job just for the money and not getting dependent on an employee or any other help.  This process took about two long years.  I finally cleared the slate around December of last year...2012.  I took a part time job.  Not because I didn't have work, but to see what it was like to do something else.  A couple days a week.  I like the job.  It is easy.  Just go to work, do my thing and go home.  Rinse and repeat.  It was a bit hard to balance that with the business at first, but I started to get used to it.  I thought maybe I should just get out of the business entirely.

My running during the last few years sort of became my sanity.  I would run when I could fit it in.  I'd save my Saturday mornings for the running group.  I would almost always work after the run, but I wouldn't schedule anything until I had run.  I remember having an appointment after a 13 mile run a few years ago and I could barely stand up.  I am in much better shape now, but then 13 miles was monumental.  I had to ask them if it was okay if I leaned on their table.  I explained that I was training for a half.  I would laugh sometimes at what I thought was going on in people's minds.  Here's this cabinet guy who could barely walk and he's saying he is going to do a half marathon.  He has to be full of crap.  Anyway...my worst days in the business sort of coincided with my best days of running.  2012 had me dreading work yet I was pr'ing in every race I entered.  The year ended with the marathon in October, running wise.  Business wise, it was December.

I still don't blame my knee issue on running.  My knees have gotten much stronger since I have been running more in the last few years.  I blame my job for my knee issues.  Kneeling, carrying...whatever. But, my knee was hurting for a long time.  Did the marathon hurt it?  Did the job hurt it?  Both. probably, but for the first time, I could not do both.  I needed to take a break from running.  Because of the business.  If I can't walk, I can't make money.  Two things that I loved to do were hurting me.  One financially and physically and the other physically.  I considered quitting both.

My part time job offered me a full time position this week.  I had a few days to think about it.  My running, to me anyway, pretty much was not going well.  I was thinking why bother anymore.  I can lift weights, and do other things.  Then, this week happened.  13 miles and it felt good.  Sprint work a few days later and that felt really good.  5 miles and dinner with some great friends on Wednesday, and today another 6 with more great people.  After my run today, I installed a bathroom vanity that I custom made.  My customer told me what nice work I do.  I called the part time people and told them that I was going to stay part time.  I've decided to stick with the business and the running.  I have way too much invested in both to quit.

I've been reading a book by Og Mandino.  The Greatest Salesman in the World is its name.  I haven't read a motivational book since my days in the mortgage business, but I thought I could use it.  Here is a quote that I like from it.

"I will live this day as if it is my last.  And what shall I do with this last precious day which remains in my keeping?  First, I will seal up its container of life so that not one drop spills itself upon the sand.  I will waste not a moment mourning yesterday's misfortunes, yesterday's defeats, yesterday's aches of the heart, for why should I throw good after bad?

Can sand flow upward in the hour glass?  Will the sun rise where it sets and set where it rises?  Can I relive the errors of yesterday and right them? Can I call back yesterday's wounds and make them whole?  Can I become younger than yesterday?  Can I take back the evil that was spoken, the blows that were struck, the pain that was caused?  No.  Yesterday is buried forever and I will think of it no more.

I will live this day as if it is my last."

Now, I've got to get some sleep.  I have to run in the morning and I have lots of shit to build.