Jennie explains it all

Bob -

 

Another guest post by Jennie.  Pretty much explains what running means to most of us and how many people just don't understand.  Here it is....

 

 

Jennie

My gun has been holstered.  My previous post was full of anger and frustration directed to both no one and everyone.  Now I am calm, resigned, and determined to come back stronger than ever.

Easier said than done.

I have to be honest with you all.  Most of us runners, we like to eat.  I often joke and like to say that I run so I can eat…..a lot.  Since my hobbling, my eating really hasn’t reduced all that much.  I know I should be accounting for the fact that I’m not able to do a bunch of cardio, but well, this is life.  The point of this digression about food is simple….I have gained weight.  Which makes running harder.  I have no clue how much weight I have gained.  (I don’t weight myself….I have an unhealthy relationship with the scale.  Thankfully, I still fit into my work clothes, which seems to be my non-scale way of judging things.)  But I feel like, well, a female version of the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Anyways.  I had my knee scoped on September 18th.  Someone asked about stories about how people get back into running after many years of not doing it, or after coming off an injury.  I have been hobbled.  I had surgery.  I figured, what the heck, I can periodically update on what I’m doing to come back to running.  

First, however, let me share with you a little story.  While I was laying on the stupid table thing and the anesthesiologist  was starting to drug me up, he asked me if I work out a lot because my heart rate was so low.  So I started babbling about running and working out and how I’m looking forward to getting back into it once I’m healed up.  Fast forward to the recovery room……the same anesthesiologist walks into the recovery room and tells me that he mentioned to my ortho about how I’m looking forward to getting back into running…..and that the ortho said it probably isn’t a good idea.  (Please note….the ortho has said NOTHING to me about returning to running being either a good or bad idea.)

I’m instantly pissed.  One of the nurses chimes in and says, what about walking?  I said not the same.  She then asks, what about walking really, really fast?  I laughed.  At her.  Not with her….nope.  AT HER.  In one of those loud, obnoxious, you got to be freaking kidding me laughs.  I told them that NOTHING compares to the feeling I get after a really good run.  Hell, if I’m being completely honest, nothing compares to the feeling I get after a crappy run.

Right now, I’m not doing anything terribly interesting, just physical therapy and random walking around.  I think that my physical therapists are aware that I am a nutso, and that if they give me free reign to do whatever I want, I’ll do something stupid (like try to run one of my legs of the upcoming Ragnar relay).  Therefore, they stress the importance of taking it easy.  

At my most recent venture at PT on Friday, I did all my stretches/strengthening exercises, rode the bike for ten minutes, and walked on the treadmill at a robust speed of 2.9 mph for 6.5 minutes.  I know….fantabulous.  (Please note, that was said with gobs of sarcasm.)  Now, that was actually a huge improvement over that previous Monday, when I could only stroll around the room for three minutes before I felt like my knee would explode, but it makes me realize how much farther I have to go before I’ll be back to running.  

So then, I keep thinking about what the stupid anesthesiologist said.  He’s that little niggling voice in the back of my head, telling me I shouldn’t. Blah.  So part of me, the part that is always the pessimist and prepares myself for disappointment, keeps asking why returning to running is so important.  Maybe I’m not cut out for it for the long run.  Why is it so important?

You want to know why?  Because is makes me flippin HAPPY.  I was perusing some old running pics of mine, and you know what?  I was smiling.  Every. Single. Pic.  Huge freaking grins.  5k’s, 10k’s, Warrior Dashes, Half Marathons, Tough Mudders…..everything….it all makes me happy.  I don’t know why.  I can’t explain it.  But I seem to have some of my happiest moments while I’m running.  Maybe it is pushing myself to do things I never thought I’d do.  Honestly, when you’re 250+ pounds, you really never have aspirations to run down the block, let alone 3.1 miles.  But the pics are the proof that I put in the time, the effort, the work, to reach goals, smash them, and set new ones.

Right now, I’m looking at this whole knee scope/recovery/weight gain as a detour in the process of becoming the best me I possibly can.  Sure, it has been hard on me (and everyone who knows me) mentally.  I’m certain I’ve lost some of my cardiovascular fitness.  But I’m going to be smart in my recovery and take things slowly (and not think about being a lazy bum) so I can return to running.  

So I can tell that anesthesiologist to fuck off.